Honesty: Eating disorders are like tests. Tests that one never quite gets right. With oneself. And, tests with for people around a struggling person.
(So sorry!– Although it might be conscious, it is never with outward malice. What’s going on inside– that’s another post…)
A person in his / her disorder will always need a different number / amount / ideal.
To prove exactly nothing.
Except that they are not okay…
Of course, the
lack of control of food will not make a person okay. But, that is a rational conclusion. And, not really the point.
Further, the people around a person in his/her disorder–these loving people try desperately to care. But, if a person is ‘in the disorder’ caring people will be resisted and lied to. Basically, they’ll never pass the ‘test’ of a suffering person either. And, it’s not a caring person’s fault. (Exhale. loving people– I’m talking to you…) It’s not your fault. You’re trying. The ‘test’ is a disordered Catch-22.
The rub: too often, a struggling person simply cannot an individual intervene and help. Because a struggling person cannot let themselves. Love themselves. Be loved.
It’s a NASTY cycle…
It just kinda sucks. For everyone.
So then what? What’s the answer? There’s not a simple, ‘right’ one. Because it’s not a test. It’s a decision to live- sloppy life!
To get better– RECOVERY– a person struggling is going to have to make a choice. It’s up to them. They are going to have to stop speaking in food. And, start speaking.
For recovery, a person is going to have to want something else.
Even if the person doesn’t know ‘what’ something else means…
Other feelings. Friends. Dinners. Life. Love. Heartbreak even.
THEN, this person is going to have to make the ‘something else’ (Apple ;)) choice again. And, again. And, again. There will be a loss. There will be SO much gain. At some point a person in recovery won’t realize they are making a choice… because life is happening.
And, of course, things will change. (Things always change…) The choosing might begin again. But, it is now with deeper consciousness. Agency. And, the knowledge that a person can pick how they engage with his / her situation both past and present.
Simply, a person gets to a point where:
The choosing can feel damn good.
Because there is no ‘wrong’ answer… Just life.