My Father

3 Oct

And, yes.  He reads this blog.  You could say we have an ‘honest’ relationship.

For us, that’s something.

He also likes to comment on this blog.  Normally, I do not let you see his comments.  For instance, he recently told me that “I was not writing an essay to get into college.  Be yourself.”

Yeah.  Except he has a point.

My dad has ton of gems.  He tells me things like:  “Dating is an audition for sex.”  And:  “I should ‘invest’ in myself by being a secretary for a few years in a big city (to meet men).”  And (a personal favorite from my teenage years) “Never have sex in a car.  This means your partner does not respect you.”

Still, he normally gets me thinking.  And, my dad usually has a point.  (I’m usually irked by it too.  He’s normally correct.)

Aside from his ‘manner’ :P, I guess my issues with my father stemmed from the past.  I know…  Everything stems from some pastThere was this heart-breaking thing that happened to me when I realized that my parents (my mother too) are people and not Disney characters.  I experienced horrifying sense of fear and anger when I recognized their humanity and fallibility.  (Yes.  I did just re-read that sentence.)  With my father, it was even harder because we did not speak for many years.

And then we did.

And, then he had things to say.  About me.  Comments.  Analysis.  Understanding.

I did not know how to take it.  I did not think it was ‘fair.’

Here was a(n absentee) dad who knew me so well.  Here was fallible, non-Disney person who was (is) totally human and also somehow got me.  Even though he hadn’t been there to see me.  What did I do with that?

If you are me, you fought.  You got angry.  (Read:  Passive and standoffish)  You made ‘rights and wrongs.‘  Because you are were hurt.

I was hurt.  Deeply.  Hurting for a want of a narrative father and the loss of one.

Then, I stopped.  I tried something different.  I got a Dad.  My dad.  My dad who tells you things. (Ha!?)   My dad who tells me things.  My dad who tries…

Remember when trying mattered?

Yeah.  Me too.

So.  I try to hear it.  Because he comes from a human (fallible) place.

We all do.

That’s what makes us grow.  Up.

I love my non-Disney dad :).

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