Not Me / Me

22 Sep

Being around the college students has fired my brains!  Yay (for you?). 😛

Let’s talk about who we are.  This was a big investigation of mine in college — the performance of the self.  And, it continues to interest me.

I think that most (healthy) people can realize that one is not what one does.  It’s a tough thing to parse.  But important.   It’s the ‘label’ problem.  (At least it was for me.)  Sometimes, something needs to happen for you to realize this reality though.  Job loss.  Heartbreak.  Failure.

And, then that (lovely?) BAM!  You still exist.  And, you’ve grown.

You are not what you do.

But.  What about the ‘how’?  It’s been said that “How you do one thing is how you do everything.”  Is our identity linked to how we do things?  Are you your kind of performed self?

My internal monologue wants to scream:  ‘NO!!!!  There is a nuggety, chocolate, sweet, (VULNERABLE) core called ME.  It’s MINE.  My secret (safe) self.’  And, my internal monologue thinks this identity is stable.  Or, at least it believes it is controlled by my internal Jamie.  (She’s RAD btw… 😉 ).  This idea protects me.  When I get rejected.  When I feel misunderstood.  When I’ve failed.  None of it was ‘me’.

Except what if it was?

After all, where does ‘internal (RAD) Jamie live?  And, who gets to know her?

The toothfairy perhaps…. 😛

I have a hunch we all do this.  I have the hunch we all safeguard a ‘self’.  Maybe we need the mind-mattresses of ‘not me’.  Maybe that’s why we wait until the last-minute to do something.  So then it’s not my best work….  Not me.  Maybe that’s why we don’t tell our dark stories.  Our chocolate centers.  Not me.  Maybe that’s why we don’t fight for ourselves.  Or who we believe we are inside.  We just hold it in there…  You don’t know me.

Tear.

Not Me?

Reality:  It seems that our behaviors– ‘our performances‘– this is who we are.  Me.  We present ourselves in action.  This Jamie.   This YOU.  That’s all anyone will know…

And, how are you going to let them?  By how you engage.  Perform.  You.

The how of you matters. 

How about giving it all?  This you.  Un-mattressed.

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