You don’t know.

9 Sep

Even when you think you do…

I heard a girl remark this at work a few weeks back and I thought:  “Yes.  Of course!”  And then, I really got it.  Running (and crying- ugh) the other day on the treadmill.  Can you help me I’m bent?  Sometimes movement matters.

Her story went like this:

My lovely got verbally accosted because of her size.

(Do you know that apparently ‘we’ are still allowed to be outwardly mean to overweight people.  Um.  NO.  WE MOST CERTAINLY ARE NOT.  Hint:  Unkindness displayed is always about you.)

And, she did nothing.  At the time.  Then, she proceeded to beat herself up because she did not rebut.  She did not belittle.  She just moved on.  Except she hadn’t.  Not in her mind.

I asked her what she would say.  Not to this silly person (who would not hear it anyway…), but what she would want someone who could hear it to know.  She said this:  “You just don’t know.

Eschewing personal details, as we talked she circled away from anger and hatred to empathy.  My lovely knows her truth and she knows that this verbal accuser’s  judgment was faulty.

And, here’s where it gets better.  My lovely also acknowledged that she’d been him.  And, then she learned.  “You just don’t know.”

I just didn’t know either.  (I’m beginning to think I never know.)  Running that day, recycling my heartbreak YET AGAIN, it occurred to me how cocky I was.

(Sigh.  I am sure I will be again.  I know that…)

I had thought to him- ‘yeah, you’ve been heartbroken but you’ll move on…’

Then, it happened to me.

You just don’t know. 

You never really do. 

That’s why we have eyes.  Ears.  A heart.


Thank you T.  For my empathy.  I’m so sorry I didn’t know…

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