Course Correction

1 Aug

Or, no take backs?

What happens when we say the real stuff to our loved ones?

I discussed this with my friend’s mother this weekend.  She said there are times in our life when people say things.  When people articulate that undercurrent in our consciousness.  About what’s going on.  Our fears.  Our reality.

And, once that mirror is shown– spoken– we have to reflect.  Course correct.

Do we?

The story (and it’s all of our stories):  You see a friend in an unhealthy relationship.  Maybe it’s a relationship with a partner.  Maybe it’s a relationship with a substance.  Maybe it’s their relationship with themselves.  And, you love this friend.  So, along with empathy, you say something…

But, should you?  And, how does it all work?

My friend’s mother was arguing that these heartfelt words have the power to change the course of one’s life.

Um.  Shit?!

I know I’ve used them– heartfelt words.  I’ve told a love that he was not honoring himself (or me) because he was using maladaptive coping techniques to work through those things we call emotion.  I could have just sat with him.  With love.  Was I wrong?  It’s funny how wrong and right don’t seem to matter…

And, I know that I’ve wanted those same heartfelt words to be used.  On me.  I’ve wanted to be called out on my bullshit.  (And, chances are, deep down you have too.)  To know love.  To remember I am loved.  What a silly crux.  Bullshit for love?  Bullshitting love.

To say or not to say?

(Is that the question…? :P)

I am unsure.

Perhaps, it does not matter.  Perhaps, it’s not so much about the saying.  Perhaps, it is about the hearing.  What if it’s about our own ability to reflect back?  We do always tend to think it’s about us.  We might as well use the opportunity.

That’s our information.  And, that is something we can do something about.

Change the course.

Or, not.

No take backs.

Because it’s already mine…

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2 Responses to “Course Correction”

  1. DrT August 1, 2011 at 8:50 am #

    Do you ever see City Slickers? That hapless friend said he wished life had “Do-Overs” like when we were kids.

    • Jamie August 1, 2011 at 2:57 pm #

      I’ve never seen it! I feel like I want ‘do overs’ quite often though. And, then I get tomorrow 🙂

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