And, we try to make it smaller.
Check it. I was at work the other night and we were talking about groceries. Not in the cute Eat, Pray, Love kind of way. We were talking about groceries (yogurt) in the ‘when I go to the store I feel triggered and compulsive and overwhelmed and lost’ kind of way.
Now, obviously this is not about groceries.
Groceries. Shopping. Over-working. Under-feeding. Drinking. Tuning out. Running. Running away… These are all ways we make our world smaller.
The ‘I already have enough friends, experiences, tastes, interests’ way of existence. ‘I just need to know about this.’ ‘People are like this.’ Black and white; life by Scantron. Written out though– how could that ever be true? Or fun?!!
Life like this is a coping mechanism. (Believe me, I know. I’ve done it. Default ‘friends’ and turkey tomato bagels does not make for a colorful perspective. Even with a Russian blazing in my ear…) It is easier to understand the world in a limited scope. It is easier to make my days small. To say I am this. You are that. To define. To shy away from. To shrink.
But do you really want to?
I get that the world can seem scary. Especially engaging with it. And, I get that it can feel like the world can kick your ass. Especially, when you don’t know what happens next. Or, when things shift. Or, when you are afraid. Then, yogurt availability can seem to mean: the world is safe or I can’t deal with this anymore.
Reminder: It is yogurt. Breathe.
It is really easy to forget that beneath it all there is love. Or, there will be. And, that we are all scared.
Too often, fear floods in. I myself have wondered: if I opened to everything and everyone it would seem too much for my heart to bear. The world is so full of cycling life. How can I be compassionate and aware and leave my house in one piece?
Perhaps, this is why a vanilla yogurt (or turkey tomato) life can seem to make sense.
Except, I do not want to live my life in bagels.
Pema Chodron (LOVE HER!) tells us in When Things Fall Apart that: “To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake … is to be continually thrown out of the nest. To live fully is to be always in no-man’s land, to experience each moment as completely new and fresh. To live is to be willing to die over and over again.”
Following, to live means we get to be reborn. Start again. With fresh, unlimited eyes.
See the big picture.